Testing Confusion

My latest results came back yesterday for the 16-week blood protein to test for trisomy 21 (downs syndrome) and spina bifida. (Baby is fine re: spina bifida.) For downs, they combine these results with the two proteins taken at 13 weeks along with the ultrasound test for fluid on the neck. They also include my age in their calculations (36 now, 37 in November FYI).

I got a letter with a bunch of risk estimates in numbers and it doesn't make much sense to me, nor to Ben who is a bit of a statistition. The "combined risk at term for all the above combined" is 1 in 223. But then below that it says "risk at term for age" is 1 in 114. I don't know which number is the key one. And these are from among a whole chart of numbers I don't understand. I have talked it over with my Ob/Gyn and still don't feel any clarity. But Ben and I plan to call the fancy doctor (yeah that's his official title, "fancy doctor" ha ha ha) in the city (aka Chicago), who is in charge of creating these numbers, to explain to us.

The 20-week ultrasound will look for features common in downs syndrome, such as abnormalities of the pelvis and fingers/toes, but that is only 90 percent accurate. An amniocentesis is 100 percent accurate, but there is a 1 in 3000 chance of miscarriage due to the intrusion of the needle thru the uterine wall, or of nicking the baby accidentally. That's not huge statistically, but is still very scary to me. Am I ready to accept a test that could end it all? If we want an amnio, we have to get it, like, last week. If it has downs and we want to terminate, that decision has to be made by 22 weeks, the legal limit in Illinois. All these urgent deadlines! And even if I don't want a downs baby, I've been feeling her move and grow inside me, I've been talking to her, getting connected. You know?

How on earth do I make these decisions???????? Argh!!!!!!!!! This is so confusing and so scary!!!! Everyone keeps telling me to calm down, everything is probably fine. Yeah, and my response to that is anger. I feel that either this is my chance to find out before disaster strikes, or maybe I'm being taken for a ride by a panicky medical community and all this is unnecessary. Which is what I suspect; I feel manipulated. Except that it has worked; I can't stop worrying. People who've had the amnio say oh it was such a relief. Well, yeah, I bet it was, after they scare you this much! Grrrrrrr!!!!!