Found Cute Winter Bunting for January Newborn

Since the baby will come in January, just in time for the colder, snowier winter months, we want something warm to wrap the baby in. Especially for taking her home from the hospital. I won't go out much during my maternity leave, but I do want to be able to go over to Nana and Gampa's house or to a friends house at some point! I got a Carter's fleece bunting with enclosed feet, a protected zipper, and hood. It's off-white and fuzzy, with a taupe bear on it and taupe striped knit fabric lining and ears on the hood. I found some soft, fuzzy yarn in off-white and taupe to crochet some mittens for her hands and a cap. It's so cute, and it's lovely to touch!

Ultrasound Pics Copyrighted?

Suddenly Walgreens doesn't want me to scan in any more ultrasound photos, b/c they are "professional photos." I argued with the woman b/c it doesn't make any sense to me. I got them from the doctor's office, not a studio that holds copyright! I remembered afterward that there are some new fancy ultrasound places that offer photos that aren't doctor's offices at all, I drove by one recently. But that's not my case at all! I've been to three Walgreens over the past 2 weeks and they ALL have had technical difficulties with their computers, so something is going on beyond the copyright issue, this is the first time that's been the problem. Up until now it's been apologies that my scans were lost mysteriously in the computer. It's frustrating, but I'm not giving up. I cried like an angry baby after I left Walgreens, but that's hormones. I can try again somewhere else, or I can get them scanned in at work. That's probably what I'll do.

You Are What You Eat

If Tyler was a Jimmy John's veggie sub, then this baby is a sandwich from Panera Bread Co. Specifically, a Mediterranean Veggie with red peppers, lettuce, tomato, cuccumbers, swiss substituted for the feta, no onions, and basil-mayo spread, on tomato basil bread. Yum yum. This goes excellent with the southwest roasted corn and tomato soup, made better by sprinkling on a little shredded cheese. I eat this so often that they all know me over at the local Panera!

Don't Worry

I'm feeling more "up" today, and determined to get things done and take charge! We're going to get a new doc and hospital, let them do a new ultrasound (I guess a follow-up to look more closely at heart and organs is not that unusual) which they'll probably want, and go on from there afresh. I've had two separate people recommend the exact same doula to me and to Ben, so I'm going to call her. Also it's time to start investigating a lactation consultant, tho I hear you can get a two for one on that w/ the doula. So please don't worry.

More Tests Scare . . . Again

So I got a call this morning from my doctor, who received the report from the 20 week ultrasound. She said one thing they found was what they call something like "coreoplastocysts" (I'm positive I'm spelling it wrong), which, as she explained it, are cysts around the brain where brain fluid comes from (whatever that means) and which is "very common and usually doesn't mean anything" but that when they take into account the results from my last tests she/they think that "something could be going on" (huh?). Also they didn't get as good a look at the heart as they'd usually like (how did that happen? I remember seeing the heart plainly myself) and they recommend further testing. Specifically a fetal echo ultrasound to examine the heart, which she recommends we get at Northwestern where the technology is better (what?) and they can also get a better look at the cysts and other organs they'd like to peek at more clearly. She says when there I can chat with one of their maternal-fetal specialists. And of course she brought up amniocentesis again and the spectre of downs syndrome, altho without any apparent basis. (None of the usual 7 markers for downs that they look for in the ultrasound.)

As usual this smacks of the usually-normal-but-you-never-know reasoning that we've been getting all along. And Ben and I don't want any more testing unless it is necessary. I'm upset and Ben is downright angry. Ben says she is fear mongering. I suspect she is following procedures, that the medical establishment has the fear mongering worked in automatically. But she's going right along with the program. We want a second opinion and we want someone who can help us to make sense of these things.

And I just feel overwhelmed. I go back and forth between happy expectancy and dreamy baby window-shopping, to deep anxiety and a feeling of being . . . lost. And I just last night saw this program that explained how anxiety in the mother releases chemicals that effect the emotional development of the baby, and of the heart/blood pressure's development (as the fight-or-flight chemicals initiate an artificial racing of the baby's heart). I suspect this is doing more harm than good. But how do I calm down? Maybe tears will give the baby some endorphins. I don't know.

This has firmed up my resolve to change doctors and hospitals and attitudes of the caregivers as well. Maybe I need a midwife and a doula. But I've got to act now. And I don't know. I've got bills to pay, projects to keep up with at work, repairs to do at home, and a toddler to chase. Never mind the constant state of our dishes and other chores that never get done and contribute to my feeling of chaos and not being in control of anything. I've got to get over this and think straight. I've got to focus. How to focus . . .

I've got a couple of friends to call, who went through similar things. One of them very much so, and put a stop to the testing. Maybe she can help me get my head on straight, give me some reassurance. I am half way through my pregnancy. It's time to make it a better experience than it has been. It's just not right, how it's been.

Feels Like Seven Months, Not Five

Okay, so I popped early and that's normal. But I now feel like my hips and pelvis are barely joined and have to walk and sleep carefully. Ben is starting to help me to sit up or stand up sometimes. I don't remember these things happening so early last time. I wonder if I'm in for a bumpy ride later on. I feel like my stomach is just so huge already, and it's getting to where I need a depends just to sneeze! (Tee hee hee.) The other night, late, I was comforting a tearful Tyler and once I'd put him back in his crib and felt the cooler air on me, I realized I was leaking!!!!! In response to his tears, of course. I feel I'm a little more ready for baby than I ought to be!

Pizza Crazy

When I was preggers w/ Tyle I couldn't STAND pizza, but now I'm obsessed with it. Periodically. I think I've eaten pizza 4 times over the past 10 days.

Since I've been feeling better I told Ben he could heat up some Indian curry for lunch while I was out, but no dice. The smell still turns my stomach. But there are fewer things that do. I can now tolerate Thai (the curry is different, I'm telling you), for instance. And, clearly, pizza.

Things that still turn my stomach:
* anyone's breath
* coffee breath, burnt coffee
* burnt popcorn
* Indian curry
* poopie diapers

(And no, it's not the case that poopie diapers would turn anyone's stomach. They didn't bother me before I got pregnant. It really is true that your own child's various smells are not as bad as a strangers.)

To Interfere or Not to Interfere?

Okay, so Ben, Tyler and I are in the grocery store, and another family has a cute wobbly baby sitting in the cart seat, a tiny little thing. I was horrified to see a young woman (possibly mom) feeding the baby from a can of Mountain Dew, pouring most of it down her teenie chin. I saw this several times as we kept bumping into them as you are wont to do in grocery stores. I was horrified and didn't hide it except for whispering to Ben, trying to decide if I should say something. Generally, you don't interfere unless you see something illegal. I've often wanted to make comments when I see a parent yelling or spanking in public, and I once heard some head-spinning emotional manipulation from a mom to a teary-eyed preteen boy in an elevator once, but I've never interfered. But in this case, I was reeeeeeeally tempted.

20-Week Ultrasound

And it's a . . . baby!

It looks like a healthy baby to us. We will get the full report next week Friday. The technician measured 7 markers for downs, like kidneys, malformations of the pelvis, and others I can't remember how to pronounce. I feel like I hardly care almost, it was so awesome to see "her" move around!

I cannot confirm any gender. Maybe next ultrasound. The legs were crossed. However, I'm still going to call it a "her"!!! I'm glad, really. I want the birth to be a surprise, to create some excitement. Most people have it scheduled and named and so planned that you hardly need to call anybody to hear what happened. We are picking out boy and girl names, and keeping them secret. Tee hee hee!

I brought a whole troop with me, with Ben, Tyler, and Nana all in tow. Nana had never seen an ultrasound and I wanted her to get to see one b/c I'm not having any more babies after this one! Tyler did pretty well. He'd get worried about Mom-Mom and call out to me, but Ben would pick him up to see me and I would talk to him happily and that satisfied him. We explained that we were looking at pictures of the baby in Mom-Mom's belly, but he was more interested in the glowing colors on the keyboard. We got him away in time.

The technician was so nice this time (unlike for Tyler's) and she let us all watch the screen w/ her and explained what was what all the time. She really knew what she was talking about and answered all of our bizarre questions. We saw the heart beating, and the brain tissue through the top of the skull, and the dark spot of stomach there in the big round belly, and little bitty feet and toes! You don't get cuter than the toes! "She" was moving her arms around a lot, opening her mouth like a fish, and flexing her fingers. She even gave us a thumbs-up!

I just have a good feeling about it. Of course I want to hear what the report says next Friday. But I have this warm inner feeling, and I'm just enjoying it right now! Ah, there she kicked again!

Ultrasound Photos

The baby is now 20 weeks old, and approximately 7.5 inches long!

These first two photos the baby is in profile facing right, with forearms and hands in front of her face. She is opening and closing her hands, which you can't tell here.




On the left is a close-up of the profile, with the forehead shape, nose, and lips visible. An ear is visible on the side of her head, look for the ear-shaped edge of light. One forearm is facing the camera with the elbow in the lower left corner and a fist up by her jawline, and her other arm is pointing away from the camera into the darkness.




Below is a photo of the baby facing the "camera" and waving her arms. At right is the same photo where I tried to trace it's shape so that you could see the arms, head and body. (The arm on the right has its elbow pointing toward you and its hand back by its ear.) Maybe it will help...




* To compare these photos with the 13-week ultrasound pics, click on the triangle to open the July archive along the left side of this blog, and click on Ultrasound Photos toward the bottom of the list of topics, dated July 3rd. Or, click on this link:

Link to 13-Week Ultrasound Photos

Baby Kicking Often Now

The absolute best part is feeling the baby move! Last few days or so, I have been feeling little kicks, flutters, and touches at odd moments of the day. She's not big enough to see movement from the outside yet. But this is just thrilling for me!

Also my new book In The Womb (got the National Geographic DVD too, haven't watched it yet) says that right now the ears are newly formed and she can hear better. Which is good b/c Ben and Tyler are still playing the game of saying "helloooooo" to Mom-mom's belly. Tyler is soooo cute. And I love the idea of the little one hearing her big brother while in the womb!

Need New Invention

I need to invent a special bra that keeps everyone from getting near me, and prevents me from feeling hugs, the brush of my own arms, books I might be holding, wandering cats at night, and struggling toddlers in my arms with pointy elbows. It should both support extremely well, prevent all movement, and yet feel like you're not even being touched. So comfy you could even sleep in it. Insertable pads for early leaking should be optional, but again, must feel like they are not even there. Or perhaps the fabric itself should wick away moisture! Also, I think it'd be great if it had a cooling feature for times when I feel like parts of me are on fire.

Man, I hope this baby can latch on this time. 'Cause Mama is gettin' ready!

Butt Still Hurts

I just want the universe to know, that my tail bone is STILL sore from jury duty last month!!!!!!!

Drive Like a Good Neighbor

This morning on my way to work I was on a residential Oak Park street when I got a good long loud honk from the driver behind me when I didn't move right away when the light turned green. (I was blowing my nose.) I don't know, first thing in the morning like that, with all my windows open, it really upset me. I mean, I understand, I've been there, behind a driver who hasn't seen the light turn green yet. But all you need is a light tap. Those long angry honks are for more passionate moments. Well I'm an especially emotional creature lately so I honked back, a series of fist-bangs on my little hybrid Honda horn, like a yappy dog. It had no punch. I turned a street later and looked back to see their windows all closed. I got another honk for my evil look. I had a hard time calming down after that. I wanted to yell something like "be nice you jerk." (I have actually yelled "be nice" and "calm down" at other drivers before.)

When I first moved back to Illinois from NYC I had to adjust back to driving culture, and had a serious case of road rage. What I realized was that it was unhealthy and unhelpful, so I came up with a technique whereby I think of a good reason why the other driver seems to be doing someting stupid. For instance, oh, he must be doing 2-mph over the tracks because his kid has got a small fish bowl of goldfish in his lap and he doesn't want to spill, or, his passenger must have a broken arm in a cast so he's being slow and gentle. I mean, you just don't know, do you? Another techinique of mine is to act counter-intuitively. If I'm in a huge hurry and find myself speeding, I will slow down and let someone from a side street into the flow of traffic instead of speeding by for someone else to be nice. It doesn't ever make me late (or later than I already am), and it always calms me down.

Some seem to think it's a race and they are being clever, and that those who take it easy or who are "bad drivers" don't deserve any consideration. The kind that believe if you don't fight your way in then you don't deserve to get in, too bad for you, I'm not makin' room for you. I took pity on a student driver stuck where they should have merged but obviously put on the breaks instead and the lane of moving traffic wouldn't let them in, so I slowed down and signalled and waved and rolled my eyes as he hesitated. We are a community of drivers, we incorporate driving into our funerals, even. Try to be nice to others when you are on the road. I'm pregnant and you can't see that when I'm behind the wheel. Nor can you see my toddler in his car seat. But I am a careful driver. Have respect for that! I'm not saying I'm perfect, my foot gets a bit heavy sometimes, but I'm not a bad driver, despite my femaleness or my blonde hair!! And you better think about consequences before you honk or give me the finger-- you think you are in the right and sending a message, but you are just being mean, and are more likely to make me cry than anything, and there is nothing in that to be proud of my friend.

I'll admit, tho, that I have a sense of entitlement being pregnant. I get especially upset when others drive recklessly around me. Don't they know I'm pregnant? (Or course not.) Don't they know they should be especially nice and careful around me? (Of course they don't.) Buncha jerks, I'm tellin' ya.

Nausea Makes Surprise Return

Yesterday I was thrown back to the past, I think because I was fighting off a head cold/flu Tyler had gotten. Was sick just like the "old days" and even called Ben in a panic because I did not feel capable of changing a particularly poopie diaper in the evening! Ben was very good about it and came home on a 15 minute break and took care of the diaper--whew! So, that's twice now, that I've done that. I'm going to try not to do that again. Wish me luck!

Crazy Lunch Order Lady

That's my new name! I couldn't decide what sandwich to order, so I ordered two! And there's all the side orders, pickles, chips, etc. Now I don't know what to actually eat. I think half of it will be for later.

I must admit I'm enjoying the new hunger trend which seems to have replaced the nausea (tho that's not completely gone). I can be hungry and eat and eat, and I don't remember ever doing this when I was pregnant the last time!

Tyler Says "Hello" to Belly Baby

Tyler was so sweet this morning! I was getting ready for work and he was running around in his jammies. Ben, too. Tyle crawled up on the bed and yanked at my shirt and told me to "lie down" so he could lie next to me giggling and saying "good night, good night, good night!" Ben sat next to us and started talking to the baby in my belly, and Tyler got into the game. They took turns saying "helloooooo" to my belly. It was the sweetest thing!

Of course, Tyler doesn't really understand. But we keep trying. I even got him one of those little secret kitties from the 80s, the kind with the kittens in her tummy? He was delighted to play with the baby kitties and say "mew, mew" for them.

Rare Evenings with Ben Home

Because of a coworker's school schedule, for the next few weeks I get Ben in the evenings on Mondays. Yay! Usually, I am on my own most evenings. Being preggers and wrangling a toddler makes this a distinct challenge. At my most sick I used to lay on the couch trying not to be sick and feel so guilty about being a bad mommy for Tyle, or be taking care of him and running off to be sick periodically. It's much better now. Now, I avoid the stairs and try to change his diapers downstairs and end up chasing a half-naked toddler around the living room! Ha ha!

My complaint is that the library is short staffed, and because Ben is assistant manager it falls to him to cover, and he is working four evenings a week instead of the usual two that the rest of the staff are doing. They want a minimum of three workers on-hand, but often have just two evenings, which makes dinner breaks impossible, and leaves staff feeling unsafe and alone in the lower level of the building. Kids come and take up all the computers in the computer room and start yelling and acting out and often have to be asked to leave. Once they took revenge by throwing apples at the windows and he called the police to intervene. They might shut down the computer bank evenings. Patrons have complained that their children have been teased by other children unwatched by adults. This is not good for anybody! Meanwhile, I feel abandoned at home and Ben worries that he is missing out on the pregnancy, and of course feels terrible about leaving me at home. Of course he has tried to effect change, and still tries. Once he even ran home (the library is barely 2 blocks away) to change a poopie diaper I couldn't handle, leaving his staff there in stiches! It was hilarious.

I understand the financial and staffing troubles of the library, but rumor has it some departments are flush while others suffer. I think they should shift a few over from the main library's childrens or fiction departments. Or perhaps decide to be less top-heavy with so many degreed staff in back offices. Just my opinion, mind you! None of this is secret, so I hope I'm not causing any trouble for Maze branch staff or for Ben by posting anything. Even so, I'm NOT telling any of the behind-the-scenes day-to-day-task difficulties the staff encounter when short-staffed. But this IS something I live with day to day, this is my reality, and I refuse to hide it from my own blog, which is completely personal in nature. So if anyone from the library reads this, know that this is a personal blog and not an attempt to contact the library!

Still, I'm not sure what to do or how to handle this. It would be highly inappropriate for me to contact the library director, I'm not even staff. A letter to a local newspaper would probably get Ben into a great deal of trouble, since I'm obviously a spouse. I do wish patrons would put their complaints in writing. If they just complain verbally it doesn't go anywhere, it gets passed on up but it doesn't have any official weight or require official follow-up.

In the meantime, I am very much enjoying Ben at home Monday evenings for a few weeks. Last night was great. We ate dinner together leisurely, went for a walk around the neighborhood, saw a police car, ambulance, and fire truck in action down the street, and Ben gave Tyler his bath and nighttime story.

"Popping" Early

Well, I'm huge. I'm in my 5th month of pregnancy but I look more like 7 months! Everyone, including the books I refer to, agrees that "popping" early is normal for a second pregnancy. Plus it helps that I'm a "big girl." So I'm waddling around, leveraging myself into my car, and my pelvis feels like it's pulling apart. Wow. And the round ligament stretching is serious. Still, I welcome all of this, it is so much more preferable to being sick all day!

Even Stars Do Jury Duty

I found it strangely entertaining and weirdly comforting to hear that even big huge stars with busy international schedules and a zillion kids (thru Angelina) will still attend jury duty without complaint! Gorgeous Brad Pitt showed up for his assigned jury duty in L.A. yesterday and, get this, brought a book, just like a normal person! (Of course he's normal. I'm kidding. Sort of!)

He did not, however, brave the excited crowds on the lunch break. He ordered in . . . (drum roll please) . . . a Subway sandwich. (I could'a used about 3 of those during my jury duty!) It is not known, however, what kind of sandwich it was. Tee hee hee.

Free sub sandwich to anyone who can tell me what the book was!

Taking Our Chances

Ben and I have been talking, and we are going with our gut feelings. Which are that we just don't want the amniocentesis. We will do the 20-week ultrasound and if there are obvious signs of downs syndrome we will deal with that when we come to it. If there are no signs, then either the baby is normal, or a less than 1 percent chance that it has mild downs. (That is the math we are working with unless the MD tells us differently. We're calling him today, I have the afternoon off of work with summer hours.)

With Tyler I was so worried that he be healthy, and so grateful that he was. After all these tests there is still the spectre of birth trauma or some other unknown. It feels as though there are so many hurdles to overcome in getting a healthy baby, and yet nature provides the world with healthy babies all the time! So I try to trust in that. Isn't it ironic that all these tests for downs are triggered by the mother being over 35, and yet there are no tests for autism with Ben turning 40 this year (the trigger age for men). But no matter what comes, there are resources for us, including family.

So, we are going to take our chances, as millions have done before us. Keep your fingers crossed.

And a great big hug to Magdalene whose words of support, and acceptance of whatever comes, are such a comfort to me this morning. Love you.

Testing Confusion

My latest results came back yesterday for the 16-week blood protein to test for trisomy 21 (downs syndrome) and spina bifida. (Baby is fine re: spina bifida.) For downs, they combine these results with the two proteins taken at 13 weeks along with the ultrasound test for fluid on the neck. They also include my age in their calculations (36 now, 37 in November FYI).

I got a letter with a bunch of risk estimates in numbers and it doesn't make much sense to me, nor to Ben who is a bit of a statistition. The "combined risk at term for all the above combined" is 1 in 223. But then below that it says "risk at term for age" is 1 in 114. I don't know which number is the key one. And these are from among a whole chart of numbers I don't understand. I have talked it over with my Ob/Gyn and still don't feel any clarity. But Ben and I plan to call the fancy doctor (yeah that's his official title, "fancy doctor" ha ha ha) in the city (aka Chicago), who is in charge of creating these numbers, to explain to us.

The 20-week ultrasound will look for features common in downs syndrome, such as abnormalities of the pelvis and fingers/toes, but that is only 90 percent accurate. An amniocentesis is 100 percent accurate, but there is a 1 in 3000 chance of miscarriage due to the intrusion of the needle thru the uterine wall, or of nicking the baby accidentally. That's not huge statistically, but is still very scary to me. Am I ready to accept a test that could end it all? If we want an amnio, we have to get it, like, last week. If it has downs and we want to terminate, that decision has to be made by 22 weeks, the legal limit in Illinois. All these urgent deadlines! And even if I don't want a downs baby, I've been feeling her move and grow inside me, I've been talking to her, getting connected. You know?

How on earth do I make these decisions???????? Argh!!!!!!!!! This is so confusing and so scary!!!! Everyone keeps telling me to calm down, everything is probably fine. Yeah, and my response to that is anger. I feel that either this is my chance to find out before disaster strikes, or maybe I'm being taken for a ride by a panicky medical community and all this is unnecessary. Which is what I suspect; I feel manipulated. Except that it has worked; I can't stop worrying. People who've had the amnio say oh it was such a relief. Well, yeah, I bet it was, after they scare you this much! Grrrrrrr!!!!!

Feeling Better at 18 weeks

Well, I'm definitely less nauseas than I used to be. Before, I could barely function, and I was miserable and depressed. I would say the first trimester was far worse than the first pregnancy, but that this second trimester is turning out to be better than the first pregnancy, when I was sick for the first seven months. I'm hungry more often and less nauseas during the day, and my evenings, which were the worst part of the day just weeks ago, are much, much better now! Almost normal! I still get sick in the early morning when I wake up, maybe half the time now, but it's very manageable. A few dry heaves are nothing to me! Ha ha ha! I scoff at them!

Got Back My Namaste

Prenatal Yoga is better now with my regular teacher, and the stretches and breathing were just wonderful and relaxing. I was able to remain in my body and to concentrate this time, and to acheive some measure of yogic calm to take away with me. I talked to my teacher, Julia, for a long time afterward, and shared my experience of my first class. It definitely was too much. I've heard other students say, even those that are triathalon-athelete types, that pregnancy can knock the breath right out of you. Yoga is a beautiful way to get back in touch w/ your health and the baby physically/psychically and to take care of all the little aches and pains that come with the territory. Julia has a particularly soothing and beautiful voice, and does a lovely job of carrying me through the art of yoga. I do still miss my original teacher and mentor, Barbara, whose classes were discontinued. Like me, she is a plus size woman and made yoga really possible for me. I feel inspired to pick up yoga again at home. Last time I tried Tyler giggled at me a lot. Let's see what he does now!

Had a long chat w/ friends Agatha and (also-hubby) Ben about yoga and the different takes on it. Yoga has a spiritual side to it, connected to chakras, that sort of thing. I have a book called Mindfulness Yoga about replacing that with Buddhism, and that is where I am at, personally. A lot of the mysticism behind yoga to me is pure poetry, and I love it, but as active imagery and poetry. And a lot of the sanskrit words have very poetic meanings. I sing the Om Shanti Shanti at the end of class and it's meaning of the one universal sound, om, together with a wish for peace, shanti, spreading in three chants from the personal to the present to the world, is certainly something I can get behind. If I open my heart chakra, I consider the act one of practicing the precept of Buddhist compassion, and work toward Lovingkindness toward others. I can meditate and imagine the "energy" of the living Earth rising up through me through my breaths, and it works for me, is cleansing even, without needing it to be real psychic energy of the spiritual kind. When you straighten your spine like a string of pearls lifting toward the heavens, isn't that nice imagery? When we are practicing pranayamas (yoga breathing) there is a mystic point between the intake and release of the breath. It is not "holding" the breath but a kind of relaxed pause. I love this pause. One teacher described it as the darkness after the moon sets and before the sun rises. Another described it as a little death, touching that mystic point of nothingness, the veil between the worlds. Tell me that isn't poetry!!!

To get back to the subject of prenatal (this is a pregnancy blog after all): Back when I was preggers w/ Tyler, we had a guided meditation in yoga class in which we each imagined our babies in a golden balloon of light beginning around the uterus but which growed until it enveloped us both, and then imagined lifing the baby into my arms and sending him warmth and love and nurturing, finally shrinking the balloon until we gently returned to the uterus with our hands on our bellies. It was at this moment that Tyler gave me a serious series of excited kicks. It's a moment I won't ever forget. He was always "present" in yoga.

New Nausea Trigger: Coffee!

So there are differences now from the first pregnancy. Still don't like garlic, onions, or Indian curry. But can now stand the smell of popped corn, pizza (sometimes), and Thai food. But brand new nausea trigger is now coffee! Coffee breath, coffee brewing, old cold coffee, flavored or plain, and worst of the worst--burnt coffee! Ugh!

Jury Duty Strange When Pregnant

Well Cook County took their sweet time calling me in for jury duty and waited for the most inconvenient time, when I am preggers and my mom is out of the country when she usually watches Tyle on Mondays. Plus I've got a book closing this week. I've always wanted to be on a jury, but not this time. I had no trouble getting there and reported at 9:30 with hordes of others. Found a table spot in the juror room and started in on the work I brought with me. The card they sent me said no food (tho I had contraband in my purse) so for lunch break I went to my car where I had packed a lunch in a cooler. Called Ben, checked on Tyle, etc.

If they don't call your number by 4:30 you can go home. At nearly 3 they called my group. Everything is very regulated and ordered. They had us in lines two by two, in and out of elevators over to the court side of the old building. They put us in a courtroom to wait for another courtroom that wasn't ready yet. Seats are like church pews. Very uncomfortable. So bored I got my work out again.

By 4 we were in our courtroom and they called half of us up to ask questions while the rest of us waited. It took forever. Finally I called Ben to say I would not be home in time to take Tyler and he found emergency babysitting in the form of our friend Alice. I asked, and the person who led us in said there is no time limit. I had thought 4:30 would be it. She said "I can't let you go."

They exused a bunch of jurors and picked some from the first group by 6:30, and I thought for sure they'd let us go on a dinner break. By this time I was brazenly eating my contraband food IN THE COURTROOM and drinking my water. Seeing I was preggers no one turned me in. Apple, a Luna bar, bag of pretzels. Such would be my dinner. No dinner break for us. I got called up with the next group and answered all the questions. They put me in the front row, so there I sat w/ my big belly so certainly there was no mistake about my condition! I answered all the questions (where do you live, do you own your own home, what do you do for a living, same re spouse, ever been victim of a crime, know any policemen, lawyers or judges, etc.) but thankfully they didn't pick me.

It was a murder 1 charge in criminal court. The accused was right there with his defense lawyers. Barely a teenager. Apparently a gang related crime, too. He and a friend are accused of shooting this other guy six times, but unclear who had the gun, etc etc. It was serious. Lots of questions popped into my head but that's for the actual jury to find out.

They let us out at 8:30 p.m. By this time I was woozy and my headache was approaching a migraine. A nice diabetic man gave me a handful of ritz crackers during the break (when they decide to pick you or not) and I'm sure those crackers saved me! Ritz never tasted so good! He says to name the baby after him, ha ha. And don't think I'm just complaining when I say that I was sick all the next day; weak and headachy, making stupid mistakes, and strangely thirsty. And boy is my butt sore, like I rode my bike all day leaning back on my tail bone. Looking back on it I wish I had made my needs clear to the court. I don't know why I didn't make a big stink about it. Everything was so rule-bound, so strict, and I had eaten my contraband food, hadn't I. But still.

You know, I believe in the rule of law. I appreciate rules and I do not wish to live in an anarchy nor in a Libertarian vision of society either, which is very close to anarchy, where the government is minimal to the extreme. Unlike a surprising number of potential jurors who felt that their religion meant they shouldn't judge another person, that it is between a man and his god, I feel that humanity has a role in protecting it's populace and enforcing rules, fairness, and rights. (You should have seen the judge get frustrated with these people. We got a great lecture on civic duty.) I did not try to weasel my way out of jury duty with excuses.

But I also believe in basic human rights, and personhood. To me, this means that I do not value the kind of work ethic that assumes workers skip dinner to get something important done. This kind of work ethic works actively against the concerns of mothers and fathers, families, kids, breastfeeding moms, those with disabilities or disease such as diabetes, those of us fainting away in the courtroom. If it's important enough to keep everyone late, it's important enough to stay that extra half hour to give them a dinner break.

People so often lose sight of what's important when on an exciting deadline or when work goals seem paramount. Example: What happens to Steve Martin's character in the movie Parenthood when he leaves his law firm on time to go coach Little League? He doesn't get the partnership, because they more highly value the guy who works all night and has no life of his own, even tho Steve's lifetime of work has been a steady backbone to the company. This is the kind of attitude that is hurting our "family values." NOT gay marriage or women's rights or any of those things that ultra-right-wing, religious right, or neo-cons like to blame.

Start promoting REAL family values in your corporations and see what happens: Provide a private room for pumping breast milk. Allow parents flexible work hours to promote picking kids up from daycare on time. If a big enuf company, provide a daycare option on-site. Encourage dads to take the full paternity leave (3 months under the law) consecutive to their wives's leave after a child is born or adopted. Allow personal calls at work to check on the nanny, for chrissakes.

And make reasonable work hours. Think about it: If you work till 6 p.m., counting commute and kid pick-up, when are you cooking dinner for your family? --You're missing dinner, that's what. If both parents work, as is most common these days, this doubles the problem. (And who among my generation can afford a family and housing on just one salary?) School gets out at 3:30; where are all of us adults at 3:30? Kids need to play outside, they need to eat healthy meals, they need to get to piano class, they need supervision for homework, they need baths and a steady bedtime. Think about it.

I would even require (government supplemented if necessary, or offer tax breaks to companies) healthcare to temp, part-time, and minimum wage-job workers and their children --the "working poor." And, while we're at it, offer such employees vouchers for daycare, much like my company helps reduce the cost of public transportation to get out to our offices with a type of voucher. Healthcare and daycare are not for the rich and salaried only.

These are my values. This is my "work ethic." I'm willing to bet if we applied these to every company and jobsite in our country we would have a great revolution in "family values." I'd even be willing to bet there'd be a drop in job tardiness, school tardiness, and child abuse. If given a chance, I would love to work to make this happen.

Okay, off my soapbox now!