Missing My GG

Sorry I have not been keeping up with the blog just lately. My Grandma, Thelma Guest, took a turn for the worse after an emergency surgery unrelated to the brain surgery. I rushed down on Saturday, June 23rd, but unfortunately I didn't make it in time to see my Grandma, she passed on Friday night. It was good anyway to go down to Atlanta and spend the time w/ my extended family. Ben couldn't come. But I brought Tyler who was a source of joy for me in the otherwise joyless time. For me and for my parents, too.

The funeral was on Monday, it felt so sudden. We girl cousins were very close to Grandma, me, Kelly, Katrina, and Leslie stayed up late creating a display of pics of Grandma's life for the memorial service. This was very valuable time for us. With a large southern family and network of neighbors the house was full of food after the funeral and we ate ourselves into a tizzy. Everytime you came back into the house and exhuse-me'd thru to the table the dishes would all be different. Being starved and irritable I think I failed to "exhuse-me" with the right gentility and friendliness and I'm afraid I may have insulted a few in my rush to the food. My bad!

Altho Grandma's house was a circus of family and friends going in and out and kids taking naps or eating at all different times and lots of noise, I managed to take a few naps and not puke too much. I'm so grateful that I got the big bedroom with my parents and Tyler all together, with an attached bathroom where I could be sick in privacy. A pregnant gal can be grateful for the strangest things! The flight down was okay, just me and Tyler. The flight back was delayed--two extra hours on the runway with a toddler! But thankfully "Ganpa" was very very popular and sat with Tyler the entire time. Mom and I got into trouble for changing Tyle's diaper in our seats instead of the bathroom, tho we did an excellent job and there was virtually no smell (and I would know!). Have you seen the size and placement of the so-called changing tables in airplane bathrooms???

I'm still not entirely over Grandma's passing. Up until the end I was hoping for a miracle, calling all my friends--pagan, atheist, Christian, asking them to send healing energy, hope, and pray. I'm just devastated, sad, angry, disbelieving. Part of me wants to send her an e-mail, see if she replies from the etherworld of the internet. She was only 74, and she was going to record stories about herself and Poopop for my book, and I wanted her to meet my new baby when she/he comes in January, she was going to brave the cold northern weather. I wasn't done, you know, being with her. Tyler loved his GG. GG held the extended family together, loved us all unconditionally, and was especially affectionate to her growing family of great-grandkids. It's not fair. I don't know how to make peace with this. But more than ever, I want my baby to be okay and be born healthy. Is that strange? I guess it's the life instinct.

Happy 10 Year Anniversary

Today is my 10 year wedding anniversary. It has been 22 years since we first met in high school in 1985. We didn't "go steady" the whole time, but went to different colleges and dated different people and wrote long, romantic letters--which I have saved--and lusted after each other for ages. After finally dating seriously, we decided to "live in sin" as my grandmother on my father's side would say, to see if we were right for each other. We were married in 1997 and had our first baby in 2005, eight years later. At the 10 year mark we are embarking on our second child, quite an adventure.

Nip It In The Bud

Was home sick last two days with a sore throat/summer cold type of thing. Last time I was pregnant it turned into Strep, so thought I'd nip it in the bud by sleeping for two days and I think it's done the trick! Feeling 90% better already! Yay!

Irritable Bowel Syrdrome

The fun never ends. I'm pretty sure the shooting, cramping pains I'm getting in my guts are irritable bowel syndrome. A friend said she had the exact same thing in her last pregnancy. It's the kind of pain you get when you think you're going to get diarrhea, but instead nothing happens. At best...rabbit pellets, if you know what I mean! I've started with Metamusil, which tastes like a weird gritty tang. Will see the doc soon.

Love You GG

Been a rough weekend. My Grandma, Tyler's GG, went in for brain surgery to remove a tumor last week and over this weekend she had a close call when her brain swelled and didn't respond to treatments. But she turned the corner and is recovering, thank goodness. I was ready to hop a plane, but so much family is already there, and since she's getting better, I will bide my time for a later visit. Tyler colored a card for her, and Ben and I signed another one sans crayons. Now I hear GG is getting feisty with the staff--now that's what I want to hear! You go, girl! Wishing you a swift recovery. We love you so much, GG!!!

Splish Splash Backyard Fun

Today Michelle and her son Malachi came over and attempted to swim in my toddler pool w/ me and Tyler. So, how early in the day do you have to fill the pool to get it to warm up? It's like 95 degrees outside and the pool made me shiver! Michelle brought this toddler sprinkler that was fun--little animals squirt water and Tyle and Malachi can jump in it. After coming all that way, and getting spun off on a highway the wrong way with no exits on the way, no less, Malachi decides it much more interesting to try to flee the backyard and make his mommy chase him all over. Fun fun fun! It's a great idea, tho, and I'm looking forward to trying this all again. Also, I think I need gates around my backyard!

The thigh bone connects to the, hip bone...

Tho it may seem really early, my left hip is all in a disjointed mess. Oh no! Last night I think it was so totally loose that I could feel it moving and bumping along as I (gingerly) walked. Wow. It feels really weird. A good night's sleep seems to do it some good.

Still taking the Zofran generic for nausea, and it does help. I'm still nauseas but not always on the verge if you know what I mean. Light headaches really not a problem. Gas pains in my gut getting pretty bad these days, and I'm taking a new fancy prenatal vitamin that has...ahem, stool softener in it (it's embarassing but jeez, that's part of pregnancy too!), as well as Omega 3 fatty acids from a plant source, which is great since I'm vegetarian. We'll see how I tolerate these!

On a different note having some trouble sleeping lately. Insomnia trying to get to sleep, or get back to sleep when I pee in the middle of the night. Lay there for hours. Can't stop thinking about all my worries, mainly my Grandma who was just in a major surgery. I'm sending her all of my love all of the time.

First Package for Baby

Today received a box of clothes from my sister-in-law Helen, clothes from her daughter/my neice Nadia, in hopes that this will be a girl. They're really very nice! Thank you, Helen! Keep your fingers crossed it's a girl. Not that that will help, but, well. There's jeans with fuzz on the bottom, some really cute onsies, a cordorouy smock, a dress with strawberries, a gorgeous velvet holiday dress that should fit for Christmas in future, etc. etc. I kept out this cute white hooded sweater/poncho with flowers crocheted on it, it's just the cutest thing ever, very touchable. Makes me think about a future with baby. Which seems very far-off, like a dream not quite realised, too tentative to be real.

First day on Zofran

Or the generic equivalent. Last time I couldn't afford the $500 for the prescription, but now they have a generic of this and I can try it. This is an anti-nausea drug that is currently very popular. My doc swears by it, says she lived on it herself when pg, and my neighbor took it too. Like Amanda next door was saying, you still feel nausea but it's not as bad, it's livable. So I can go about my day and NOT feel like I could hurl at any second, or like if I don't lie down I could lose my lunch. Managing keeping things down might be easier if this works, which would be so wonderful! Side effect listed is headaches, and yes I did get a light but persistent headache today. I'll take that trade, however. So, wish me luck!!!

First Big Doctor's Appointment

Well today was my first big Ob/Gyn appt. Overall disappointing. I was hoping that this would make the pregnancy feel more "real" and more exciting. Unfortunately too soon to here the heartbeat, which would help. Ben had to work so I took my mom and she watched over Tyler, who made friends with everyone there.

Pap very uncomfortable and I am quite sore. Also given many pamphlets about the many tests I could/should have to predict various birth defects, including downs syndrome, now that I am over 35. Found this overwhelming and scary. I don't know. I think I may do the less invasive ones, the combo blood tests and ultrasounds, etc. But it seems as if this pregnancy will be even more medicalized than the last one. Not too keen on that! Wish almost for an old-fashioned pregnancy, where I'm pampered and people say she has the "vapors" and nothing much happens and I don't get prodded, then 9 months later--ta da! You get what you get. You know?

Doc says I'm likely to develop the gestational diabetes earlier this time around. I believe it. She says I'm to go ahead and start with the diabetic diet now, except to keep those carbs, the ones I can keep down in my struggle w/ the nausea, to a minimum. Speaking of which, got a prescription for Zofran but I don't think my insurance will cover it. Will look into it. I'm pretty desperate for some kind of relief.

Unfortunately didn't get the best response when tried to talk about unsatisfactory birth experience I had last time. She says she won't let me go beyond 40 weeks again and wants to induce again, but last time I started on the cervidil and labor lasted 3 days! She says I had to have the cervidil because I wasn't ready for the petosin, but it sounds like she is willing to do it all over again. No way! So we are going to investigate other hospitals and doctors. Hate to start over again, but also disappointed in this doc in several other personal areas, and so, we will look.

I was a total wimp when they took blood. Three vials they took! Almost fainted, saw spots, then almost was sick. They called my mom in from the waiting room and Tyle was so excited to see me I felt better. He called Mom-Mom, Mom-Mom! and struggled out of the stroller and climbed me for a big hug. He's so wonderful. He's the best thing to ever happen to me. Times like that remind me why I want another one.

Better Days

Yesterday and today seem to be a bit better. Apparently I require an iced chai latte every morning! Tee hee hee! And some protein, a bit of egg on toast. And I suddenly love Ben's cereal. This morning I was eating it, and it's very similar to Corn Flakes, and I spent the morning thinking of my Poopop. He was my mother's father, and a great storyteller who I'd still like to write about (story-based biography) someday. Every morning without fail he had Corn Flakes. He would take and peel a banana, scooping out slices with his big cereal spoon as he went along, cupping the banana in his large, expressive hands over the bowl of cereal. And he always drank up his milk. I still miss him. I wish he could have met Tyler.

Moms Are Wonderful

Today has been the worst day yet. I haven't kept anything down at all, and I'm sure I grossed coworkers out in the bathroom during the day. I wonder if they know it was me in there. Anyway, Mondays are my mom's day to come take care of Tyler, and she stayed late to take care of me and Tyler after I got home and was immediately sick again. She made plain wild rice with butter, which so far I am keeping down (I insist that I do!), and when I refused onions she cooked up some red beans with cubed apples in a little apple juice and, with the rice, was a great way to get some protein and carbs into my system. Thank you, Mom!!! I am done with salads for the time being (nothing like losing lunch to turn you off of something) so I emptied my crisper and sent it home w/ Mom--brand new lettuce, onions, celery (ick!), Feta cheese (which I can't have), etc etc. Even being near the crisper and fridge was a little dodgy! She gave Tyle a bath and got him in his jammies and let me read him his night night book before bed. Aren't moms wonderful? I felt really cared for and taken care of. I also felt guilty that she missed her book group. I kept getting up and trying to do things, then needing suddenly to sit down and be very, very still. I love my mom. I wish she could move in. I told her she should get a bungalow down the street!

Zoo Outing w/ "Moms & Dads of a Different Kind"

Sunday was slightly better than Saturday. Even tho feeling sick, (while M&M napped) Ben and I kept a date with our new parent's group, Moms and Dads of a Different Kind (on MeetUp) which I help my friend Michelle organize (not that I'm much help--she does all the work!). We have members who do Attachment Parenting, cloth diapers, organics, vegetarians, two mommies/two daddies, Pagans and Unitarians and Atheists. It makes for a really nice group of open-minded people who sharing parenting advice and enjoy getting out of the house with similar people, all wrangling our kids and trying to talk. Today was a zoo trip to Brookfield Zoo. It was great seeing everybody. Both Malachi and Tyler fell and skinned their knees, on top of healing knees that were already skinned before! I discovered that Amanda is also pregnant, and tho she's much further along than me, she is still quesy and also hungry and I have a great time talking to her about it, comparing cravings and sickness habits and smells we don't like and stories about weird boob pain! Ha ha, but true. I had to leave early as I became overheated and desperately nauseus all of a sudden. It's hard to predict how much energy I've got in me before I lose it. Maybe with practice. Despite how sick I am, I will try to continue to participate in this group. Parenting, especially if you're doing it differently from the mainstream, can be very lonely. It's great to have a group like this and I'm so, so, so grateful to Michelle for all the work she does nurturing it!

A Rough Weekend

This has been a rough weekend, pregnancy-wise. But it has been wonderful having Mike and Madalen here. They even, together, changed a poopie diaper for me on Saturday! We were going to go to a funeral for Madalen's aunt in Indiana, and see family, but due to how sick I was Madalen decided it would really be better to stay home and take it easy. I'm so glad, because as much as I was sorry about it, I was relieved to be able to be sick at home instead of on the road. Saturday was a 3-puke day (sorry to gross you out) and I spent a lot of time laying on the couch. Made one run to Whole Foods for some much needed organics--again, M&M took Tyler for a while, they're so good!--being out and about was nice at first, but I came home just in time to lose my lunch. Oh, well. Thank you, thank you, thank you M&M for being so gracious and taking such good care of me and Tyler!

The Formal Announcement

My in-laws are in town this weekend so Ben and I engineered it so that my parents would meet us all for a dinner Friday night at the New Rebozo, our favorite restaurant. With M&M staying with us, we couldn't prepare at home so at the restaurant Ben pretended to take Tyler for an early diaper change and put him in his new shirt that says "I'm the Big Brother" (with race cars on it--"blue cah! lello cah! owen cah!") and let the parents figure it out, which was great fun. They were all very excited, my mom teared up, Dad kept smiling, and Madalen was all aglow.

It's great for Tyler to see both sets of grandparents all at once. He loves to put names to things and people, so he points with his hand and announces "Jaja!" and "Popi!" and "Baba!" and "Nina!" (He's had trouble with "Granpa" and has just begun to call him "Popi" which he came up with on his own, probably inspired by the "pa" at the end of "granpa" and evolvled through "papa" and "papop" to "popi.") So at the restaurant he practiced calling Djadja and Popi their separate names and got them down. "Nina" is just a version of "Nana" he's developed.

I'm glad the cat is out of the bag with the family. Over the weekend we called Tyler's GG, Great Aunt Sharon, Aunt Helen and Uncle John, and I still owe calls to my cousins and my brother. Madalen called her sister Lenora, and so it goes. It was sooo hard to keep it a secret, and I'm glad to be "out" with how I really feel and what's going on. Don't have to hide my pregnancy books and whatnot when Nana comes over to watch Tyle, that sort of thing.

Hyperfalctory Senses

Smells that set me off:

hairspray
toilet water
garlic
popcorn
pizza in the oven
oven pre-heating
any pan-frying
Yo Baby yogurt smeared on the highchair tray
deisel fuel
poopie diapers of any kind
a full Diaper-Champ
mushroom-flavor veggie burger
burnt coffee
burnt toast
Ragu sauce that is pre-made with cheese flavoring
curry
cat litter, cat boxes
human bathroom smells
anyone's breath, save none, even myself
any toothpaste except the new AIM with blue gel
being congested
freshly cut grass when wet
humid vegetation with no breeze
the sheets right after I get out of bed
most restaurant smells