Missing My GG

Sorry I have not been keeping up with the blog just lately. My Grandma, Thelma Guest, took a turn for the worse after an emergency surgery unrelated to the brain surgery. I rushed down on Saturday, June 23rd, but unfortunately I didn't make it in time to see my Grandma, she passed on Friday night. It was good anyway to go down to Atlanta and spend the time w/ my extended family. Ben couldn't come. But I brought Tyler who was a source of joy for me in the otherwise joyless time. For me and for my parents, too.

The funeral was on Monday, it felt so sudden. We girl cousins were very close to Grandma, me, Kelly, Katrina, and Leslie stayed up late creating a display of pics of Grandma's life for the memorial service. This was very valuable time for us. With a large southern family and network of neighbors the house was full of food after the funeral and we ate ourselves into a tizzy. Everytime you came back into the house and exhuse-me'd thru to the table the dishes would all be different. Being starved and irritable I think I failed to "exhuse-me" with the right gentility and friendliness and I'm afraid I may have insulted a few in my rush to the food. My bad!

Altho Grandma's house was a circus of family and friends going in and out and kids taking naps or eating at all different times and lots of noise, I managed to take a few naps and not puke too much. I'm so grateful that I got the big bedroom with my parents and Tyler all together, with an attached bathroom where I could be sick in privacy. A pregnant gal can be grateful for the strangest things! The flight down was okay, just me and Tyler. The flight back was delayed--two extra hours on the runway with a toddler! But thankfully "Ganpa" was very very popular and sat with Tyler the entire time. Mom and I got into trouble for changing Tyle's diaper in our seats instead of the bathroom, tho we did an excellent job and there was virtually no smell (and I would know!). Have you seen the size and placement of the so-called changing tables in airplane bathrooms???

I'm still not entirely over Grandma's passing. Up until the end I was hoping for a miracle, calling all my friends--pagan, atheist, Christian, asking them to send healing energy, hope, and pray. I'm just devastated, sad, angry, disbelieving. Part of me wants to send her an e-mail, see if she replies from the etherworld of the internet. She was only 74, and she was going to record stories about herself and Poopop for my book, and I wanted her to meet my new baby when she/he comes in January, she was going to brave the cold northern weather. I wasn't done, you know, being with her. Tyler loved his GG. GG held the extended family together, loved us all unconditionally, and was especially affectionate to her growing family of great-grandkids. It's not fair. I don't know how to make peace with this. But more than ever, I want my baby to be okay and be born healthy. Is that strange? I guess it's the life instinct.